The Modern Museum in Stockholm

So we managed to visit the photography collection of Moderna Museet and it was a beautiful experience in my opinion. There were so many beautiful images, coming from different times and representing all possible subjects out there, that it was in one moment, as Alexander said, too much to grasp. In the end I felt exhausted from trying to take in and pay attention to every single frame. There were literally thousands of images and every one of them had its uniqueness. Of course I didn't like everything, there were pictures which weren't of my interest at all, but while I was looking in the ones I liked, I came to realize how burden our eyes are, the eyes of the 21st century person. Seeing on an everyday basis hundreds of images all around - newspapers, billboards, commercials everywhere (just checking facebook provides us with hundred pictures every day i guess) - this makes us blind for the small wonders a beautiful picture can show us. And being into photography makes it even harder I think. I am so used to like certain styles and images with certain moods, that I simply miss many worth seeing photographs just because they don't respond to my expectations.
Anyway visiting this huge exhibition was so worthy. I finally came to see on prints the work of photographers I've always liked (among them August Sander!!!) plus brilliant pictures of photographers I have never heard of. More info here.

wrong colours, right mood

....

Pathetic doubts and relief

Alek with a sea hedgehog we found thrown by the waves on the beach


I've spent a lot of time last year dealing with questions about how far my inspiration and my abilities can go when it comes to photography. I was afraid I can't take pictures any more, and the fear turned into struggle. I couldn't spend a day without thinking that I worth nothing without photography in my life and this state of mind was pulling me down. But it was difficult to fight my thoughts, or it was too difficult to face the fact that I shouldn't be whining and complaining even if my photo inspiration came to an end. It was a doubting time, insecure and sunken that's exactly how I felt. After months of stupid selfpitiness I got some kick, started taking pictures, which were most of the time unsatisfying, but shooting was still something to hold on. Then I went to Bulgaria and I did this big ridiculous speech in front of my friends and relatives, that you see I decided to change my directions in photography. Talking about less dramatic poses and expressions, explaining how a picture should strike you without going for the over-exaggerated moods, I let myself to be fouled by my own words and what reason has told me. The truth was that I can't choose my directions, inspiration and visions come in my life spontaneously, not by will. Then I had this conversation with my brother about what I was going through and he told me that I have forgotten how to be peaceful, that I have let my fears and thoughts to disturb me unnecessary. Few days after that when his words actually succeeded to get through I felt like I want to cry and laugh in the same time. There is nothing like the relief in this world, even when it comes after pathetic worries like mine. I was finally free to just take pictures, without stuffing myself with fears, guilt and expectations, without trying too hard. After that I had beautiful photography moments with my friends and my family, I cherish even the pictures that look like a crap, just because I am thankful I was able to carry the simple happiness of shooting. Today I was looking through all the pictures I took in 2011 and I am so surprised by those frames. All of them speak about me, they look exactly like taken by me and in many of them there isn't any sign of my doubts (or at least I don't see it) and this just leaves me speechless and wondering what was all this time full with worries spent for. And what is more confusing how is it possible that one looses the happiness of taking pictures, but still continue to create, not even being aware of it.

miss you Foxy

My brother

I know that the night pictures of my brother are not as good as they should be, they don't receive the same attention like the rest of the pictures I took during my two months in Bulgaria. Still I find something very personal in these frames - driving around in my hometown  with my bro, talking and being excited about how the autumn looks in the night. It is unforgettable moment and I am pleased I have the photos to remind me of it.

red lips

love season and airplanes

Bulgaria just before winter

ma bro

wonders of bad weather

Sunday morning

I bet nobody else will ever take more classic portraits of Fox than me

Empty fields

Last weeks in Bulgaria